Against my better judgment, I Tivo’d the new FOX reality/music/variety/train wreck “Celebrity Duets” the other night. It was two hours of uncomfortable television, and yet I couldn’t tear myself away. It’s quite possibly the most engaging disaster I’ve watched in quite some time.

I don’t even know where to start with this “review,” so I’ll just randomly babble my thoughts on what I witnessed. Let’s start with the title: “Celebrity Duets.” The term “celebrity” has never been used more loosely. I love it. I’m serious; we’re talking has-been D listers, not even current D listers.

Here are the celebrities we were treated to:

Wrestler Chris Jericho! Yep, the big ol’ testosterone filled wrestler had the match of his life when he tried to sing in key in the premier episode. It wasn’t pretty, folks!

The chick that played Xena, Lucy Lawless! She still looks good, and she sounded pretty good too, I mean for someone who has no business trying to sing.

“Nash Bridge’s” very own Cheech Marin! This guy has smoked a lot of pot over the years, and apparently so has his agent. He does not belong in a singing contest, that’s for damn sure! He hasn’t done anything this embarrassing since he played Chuey on “Golden Palace!”

Gold medal gymnast Carly Patterson! Sweet little Corey has grown up since she won the gold back in 2004, and she’s also grown a bit wider. Hey, I’m just sayin’. Plus she couldn’t carry a tune in a leotard.

Where Are They Now favorite Alfonso Ribeiro! It should come as no surprise that Alfonso actually can sing. He has been performing forever it seems, even way back in those Pepsi commercials with a then fairly-normal looking Michael Jackson. No word on if Alfonso “performed” for Michael, though. Alfonso is sure to make it to the finals.

Queer Guy Jai Rodriguez! I never heard of this guy before, but it turns out he’s one of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dudes. What??? A gay guy who can sing and dance?? NO WAY!!! He’ll make it to the finals, as well.

Basic cable vet Hal Sparks! Hal Sparks is a pretty good actor, a pretty good comic, a pretty good talk show host, and a pretty good singer. But he ain’t great.

Back to the Future’s Leah Thompson! This chick starred in “Caroline in the City” for four seasons. That show was terrible. How did it stay on the air for so long? It was so bad. Oh, sorry, I am getting off track. Leah is ok on this show, but not the best.

Anyway these celebs were paired up with professional singers who are probably bigger stars than the stars they were singing with. If that makes sense. So after the celebrities sang their duet, they were then judged by Marie Osmond (didn’t she just overdose like a month ago??), who would give some decent advice, Little Richard, who couldn’t put a sentence together if he had a gun put to his wig, and David Foster who is very rich. They ultimately voted off Chris Jericho.

As I watching this disturbing program, what entertained me as much as the bad duets was the tremendously terrible facelifts everyone had! Here are a few favorites!

Meanwhile, poor Cheech could actually use one!

“Celebrity Duets” is hosted by cheese ball singer/dancer/comic/entertainer Wayne Brady (who, as we all know, is about the whitest black man in the biz next to Bryant Gumble) who actually seems like a perfect fit for this show.

I may or may not subject myself to this on a weekly basis. I suggest you do the same.