With the networks just days from announcing their new fall schedules, TV Advice Guy is going to give each of the networks his “advice” on what shows they should keep, and what shows should be dumped. It’s pretty simple. I’m just gonna’ write whatever comes to mind.

Let’s start with ABC:

Dear ABC,

We all know you guys were thrilled with the breakout hits “Desperate Housewives” and “Lost.” But then you followed them up with the coma-inducing “Invasion” and the lackluster “Night Stalker.” Hopefully you learned your lesson: People don’t like boring shows.

Now, if I had my way, the following shows would be banished from your schedule permanently: “According to Jim,” “The Bachelor,” “Invasion,” “Super Nanny,” “Wife Swap,” and “Freddie.” Although I hear you are thinking about bringing back “Freddie.” If you do that, you should also look into adding some jokes to the show. I’m just sayin’…

Oh, and nice job with “Commander in Chief.” You guys shit on that show so much that people actually stayed away from the stink. I’d actually like to see it come back, but I think it might be a lost cause. Dummies.

Oh, one final thing, I’m sick of these “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Lost,” and “Desperate Housewives” package episodes so we can “catch up” with the show. You know, if you aired the episodes with some kind of regularity and didn't take them off for weeks at a time, we wouldn’t have to “catch up” with anything!

Dear CBS,

I like “Out of Practice,” so keep it. Even though you treated that show, which always had very solid numbers, like the proverbial red-headed step child, you should show some respect to the insanely talented cast and writing staff and bring it back this fall.

“Courting Alex” should disappear for good. “The New Adventures of Old Christine” stays. “King of Queens” calls it a day. And stop with the procedurals that all look exactly the same. If you rest too long on your predictable programs, people, I suspect, will get tired of it. I know I will.

Oh, and if you really want to shake things up, cancel “CSI: Miami” because David Caruso bugs.

Dear NBC,

For the past few seasons you’ve been churning out some pretty terrible programs. From “LAX” to “Four Kings” you would swear your development departments are running around like a peacock with its head cut off. I don’t even know if that makes sense, I just wanted to use that reference.

The following shows should never again see their name in a TV Guide listing: “Joey,” “Four Kings,” and “Crossing Jordan.”

Make 2006/2007 the final season for “ER” “The Apprentice” and “Scrubs” as well. It’s time to pack it in, folks…

Don’t rely too heavily on “Deal or No Deal.” Howie Mandel must be taken in small doses. Oh, and by the way, we don’t give a shit about the contestant’s family & friends. And these “very special” episodes look like they will be nauseating. Stick with the regular formula, eh? Let’s not forget that the constant “celebrity” versions of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” helped kill that show.

Here’s hoping you find some new sitcoms that actually generate laughs. Outside of last year’s “The Office” and “My Name is Earl,” the NBC sitcom track record is pretty much embarrassing these days.

Dear FOX,

Congratulations, you got me hooked on two new shows this last season. Unfortunately you also screwed them both up. With “Reunion” you set us all up for a big mystery, only to pull the plug before we could get any answers. You suck for that. Then there’s “Prison Break,” which had me on the edge of my seat all fall. But then you decided the best thing to do was take it off the air for almost four months. What an asshole move. Don’t do shit like that. Since you guys have a hard on for these “nonstop seasons” of “24” and “American Idol,” why don’t you do that with a show like “Prison Break” as well? Sheesh.

Oh, and as for “American Idol,” count your lucky stars people are still fascinated by mediocre singers. It also helps you get big ratings for your mediocre shows “House,” and “Bones.” Two shows that I can’t for the life of me find anything appealing about.

Meanwhile, it might be time for “American Dad” to finally turn in his resignation. While I’d personally like to see “The War at Home” and “The Loop” get second chances. I have no idea what you did with “Stacked” but it was a better show than say, oh, “Free Ride” or “Nanny 911.” And I think you guys finally succeeded in moving “Bernie Mac” enough that American’s have given up looking for it. So I guess you can yank it.

Dear CW,

I don’t know anything about you really, so best wishes. You will probably have a tough first season trying to figure out which former WB & UPN shows will sink or float on your new network. That will be challenge enough, but then you’ll also have to try to make an “identity’ of your own with new shows. My only advice is to stay away from anything called “Homeboys in Outer Space.”