The Baker’s Dozen is back with another fun-filled 13 Questions! This time we are pleased to welcome writer/director/author Ian Gurvitz! Ian has been writing TV sitcoms for 20 years including long running series “Wings” and “Becker.” He also is the author of the book “Hello,” Lied The Agent, And Other Bullshit You Hear as a Hollywood TV Writer. Anybody who loves TV and would like a real insider’s take on what goes into developing shows and selling pilots should definitely go buy this book. Ian also wrote and directed a new movie called LA Blues. I’ll shut up now and let Ian tell us more. Enjoy!
1) So, what were you working on before the strike?
Adventures in spec land. Writing a pilot that I felt would be pointless to pitch. I felt that way because of the blank stares I got from some studio people when I tried to pitch it. Babysitting the movie I did through the final delivery of materials, which is expensive agony. Playing with a few other scripts. I did a pilot for money for one of the studios, but it didn't go. Especially because by the time they tried to sell it, one of the cable networks had the balls to do the same exact show and turn it into a success. Assholes. Now I have a writing sample.
2) Please tell our loyal 13 readers how you broke into the business.
I was in New York working in advertising and writing jokes for comics in LA as well as spec scripts at night and on the weekends. TV, movies, everything I could think of. After about five years, I optioned a movie, which lead to an overall deal in LA, which lead to the last strike, which lead to going broke, which lead to a TV job and, with some luck, about 20 years of steady work.
3) You wrote on one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, “Get a Life.” How did that come about? Were you on staff, or was it free lance? How was the experience?
I did one freelance episode. That happened because I was on an overall deal at New World TV, which produced the show and by getting me an episode they could pay me in "soft dollars," meaning it would be credited against the money they were already paying me. They got me in to pitch, I sold one idea, worked with the staff, including David Mirkin and Chris Elliott, turned in the script and by the time it aired there was maybe one joke left in it that I wrote. But the basic story was the same. But that's freelancing. Take the money. Don't look back.
4) You recently wrote a book called “’Hello,’ Lied The Agent, And Other Bullshit You Hear as a Hollywood TV Writer.” The book is an insider’s take on what goes into creating a show. Essentially it’s a two year journal in your life where you don’t hold back on the bullshit that goes into working in Hollywood. What has been the response to your book? Has your brutal honesty cost you any friends or jobs as a result of the book?
All positive. I've gotten many calls and emails from writers I either didn't know, haven't seen in years or knew by reputation but had never met. I even talked to some studio people I'd mentioned who said they enjoyed it. Others I mentioned I don't plan on hearing from, which is fine. Just like I don't plan on pitching to them again. Nor do they plan on inviting me. Then again, regimes do change. Sometimes it's a matter of who outlasts whom. Though many development people tend to resurface elsewhere. Like gophers in a garden.
Larry King says, “If you read one book this year called Hello, Lied The Agent, And Other Bullshit You Hear as a Hollywood TV Writer – it should be this one.”
5) Of the following shows you worked on and/or created, rate them on a 1-10 scale with 10 being “Brilliant!” and 1 being “The Tony Danza Show.”
•“Normal Life” = Started around a 5 or 6. Maybe could've grown to a 7 if we'd been left alone. The original pilot never aired. What replaced it was a 2. Total crap. To this day I have no idea why Moon or Dweezil wanted to do half-hour television show.
•“Wings” = A solid 6, though it's got its fans. And great actors who've gone on to great things.
•“Becker” = A 7 to me, even an 8 at times.
•“Charlie Hoover” = 1 1/2. Ultimately, a train to nowhere. But I got to meet Sam Kinison. In the beginning, that was a good thing. Until the 4 am rewrites kicked in and then he attacked one of the writers.
•“The Tony Danza Show” = Ok, here's the thing: as a family show, it was no more onerous than Home Improvement or anything that's been on CBS or ABC in the last decade. NBC had a deal with Tony and after his post-Who's the Boss show failed, they want to go back to his family show roots. That's where I came in.
•“Delta” = A freelance episode on a supremely stupid show. A real 1. Though Bill Engvall was part of it and now he's doing well in Blue Collar Comedy.
•“A Fine Romance” = A 7 or 8 no one ever heard of. My first TV job. The pilot was hilarious. Great writing by Sally Robinson, who created it. And shot in Italy, so there was some production value. A very funny romantic comedy. ABC hated it so bad, they put it on at 8 o'clock, opposite Cosby. They might as well have dressed it in a Klan outfit and sent it to Harlem.
Ian begins to have second thoughts about doing these 13 Questions.
6) It’s time for TAG’s World famous Either, Or!
• Taco Bell, or Del Taco = Puke on a Taco. They should send you there before a colonoscopy to clean you out.
• Studio Deals: NBC’s “Golf Scholarship,” or Paramount’s Development Deal = Paramount definitely. Though I probably hit it on the tail end of when it was a great place to be. The truth is, I could've gone to Hawaii for a year, flown in for occasional meetings and emailed in some spec pilots and no one would've known. You'd think when they pay you all that cash they'd be like the old studio heads walking around the lot listening for the sound of typewriters. It's odd that they seem to make overall deals with the same zeal they employ using Force Majeure to end them. We love you. Welcome. Here's a ton of money. Wait a minute. We hate you. Get the fuck out.
• “Entertainment Tonight,” or “Access Hollywood” = Brain puke on a taco.
• A Little Bit Country, or A Little Bit Rock n’ Roll = I'm a blues fanatic so the roots are in both. There are some great people who straddle both worlds, like Delbert McClinton. Willie Nelson. But given a choice definitely Rock 'n' Roll. I can only take hard core country in very small doses. Very often, it's musical Nascar.
• New York, or Los Angeles = I'm a New Yorker who lives in LA. For the last 20 years.
• Blackjack, or Craps = Craps. I lose my money slower.
• Imported, or Domestic = Cars? Food? I'll be a snob and say imported. Unless it's kids' toys. Then I probably have to go with unleaded domestic.
7) You recently wrote and directed the film LA Blues. Please tell us a little about the movie and where we might be able to see it.
Basically, I wrote a script, decided I wanted to try to make the movie. So I did. Paid for it. Directed it. I threw myself a giant party. Now I'm about 2 1/2 years in. It's selling overseas. The DVD will be out in March in the US and Canada and I hope one day I see some money back. Otherwise I'm so fucked. It stars Anthony Michael Hall, William Ragsdale, Dave Foley, George Wendt. Nick D'Agosto, who's now on Heroes. Kevin Rahm, who's on Desperate Housewives. It was graduate school in independent film. I actually kept a journal throughout so I'm trying to turn that into a book proposal. And I'm trying to do another one. With someone else's cash. Though it seems there's a long line to do that.
8) You’ve been working in the biz for over twenty years, a solid career in this town for sure. At what point do you begin worrying about “ageism” in Hollywood?
I'm in denial over it. It's probably there in subtle forms. Though there are shows I couldn't and shouldn't be writing. Also, after a while, some shows are just too stupid. So I wouldn't want to write them. Even if they wanted me. Which they don't.
9) What is your biggest TV guilty pleasure?
Probably American Idol. I know it's a giant business deal. I know the singing is, very often, mediocre with people trying to imitate famous singers. A lot of posing. Coke cans everywhere. Product integration leaking through it all. Stars from other Fox shows in the audience. There's not a second of it that's not merchandised or cross-collateralized. Still, I watch. But I don't vote. I'm not an idiot.
10) What has been your favorite picket line chant so far?
Probably "om." At least when writers are intoning the universal mantra they're not telling you about all the great projects they're working on.
11) What’s next for Ian Gurvitz?
Who knows? Staying alive through and after the strike. Still doing pilots as much as I can, but I'm also trying to make my own way outside the system. Writing everything I can think of and hope something sells.
12) If you could be adopted by any TV family (past or
present), who would it be?
The Ricardos. So I could tell Lucy to shut the fuck up and stop trying weasel herself into the show! You have no talent! You can't sing! You can't dance! Just raise the kids and let Ricky take care of the Copa! Oh, and Ethel's a lesbian, in case you didn't get it.
13) I’m going to list some names here, you give me your thoughts. (Example: Terry Farrell = Great gal, wonderful actress. Should have been happy with her salary.)
• David Angell = A very warm, good-hearted, funny, generous man. There are so many other people who, if they'd been on that plane, you'd go: "ok, a tragedy, but, still, there's an upside..." But this was a horrible shame.
• Ted Danson = There is no better actor to work with and no nicer human.
• Gail Mancuso = Very solid director with a great attitude. She makes you feel like it's all under control and she smiles through it all.
• Les Moonves Wants to be Shogun. Giuliani's better looking cousin.
• Mark Reisman = Very funny guy. I liked working with him.
• Tony Danza = Tony works his ass off. He's equally passionate when he's trying to make something work as he is pissed when it doesn't. Righ before I worked with him, he was in a TV movie production of Twelve Angry Men that William Friedkin directed. I thought he was solid. He should do more things like that. Then again, there was that talk show...
• Mike Markowitz = Hysterically funny.
• Crystal Bernard = A perfectionist. She knows her way around a joke. Great physical comic as well. If they remade Lucy, she could do it. You just hope to God no one thinks of doing that. Well, they think of it, but you'd like to ask them to stop trying.
• Dave Hackel = A friend. Worked harder on his show than anyone I'd ever seen.
And there you have it, another fun, informative Baker’s Dozen! Thanks to Ian for playing along and answering the questions so promptly! Check out Ian’s movie, LA Blues at www.labluesthemovie.com and go pick up his book wherever books are sold, or like right here on Amazon.com or for you lazy bastards, you can have Ian read the book to you himself with the book on CD.
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