It’s been quite a while since I last appeared here at T.A.G. for I have been pretty busy with my paper route. But now with the summer approaching, I thought I’d tear into these new reality shows, not unlike the way I tear into my customer’s Sunday paper to steal their coupons.

NBC offers up some real crap this summer with shows like “Hit Me Baby 1 More Time.” Here’s yet another show that we Americans ripped off from the Brits. Is it exclusively an American tradition to rip off other countries (s)hits? I wonder if the Brits ever rip off our shows? Are they over there making the English version of “Yes, Dear?” If so, it’s no wonder why so many people hate us.

Anyway, in this new “reality” series, a bunch of washed up bands and singers come out to sing their big hit song, then they come back out to butcher a “current” hit. Once the artists are done humiliating themselves, the audience votes on a winner. What’s the prize, you ask? There is no prize! Instead of the artist actually winning something, say, like a second shot at stardom, they win money for their favorite charity. One assumes Tiffany’s favorite charity is called something like “Charity for Tiffany.”

Another new offering from NBC this summer is “I Want to be a Hilton.” Just what we need, another Hilton with another reality show. But this time it’s Mama Hilton. “Kathy Hilton is searching for the next socialite!” What exactly does it take to be a socialite? Sponging off your husband’s family fortune while attending parties in fancy clothes? Or just being a whore? I guess we’ll find out in this new mind-boggling entry to network television.

I could pick apart the peacock all day, but that wouldn’t be fair. So let me move onto ABC. They are also throwing out the trash this summer with shows like “Dancing with the Stars.” Let’s talk about these “Stars.”

- Joey McIntyre = Once upon a time a huge star. Today, a blip on the radar. Should be able to do well in the competition considering he made a living dancing like a monkey while lip-synching to pop tunes during his stint in New Kids On The Block.

- Rachel Hunter = One time super model, now a frumpy single mother. Not really a star anymore.

- Kelly Monaco = Never heard of her. She’s cute though. She stars in TV’s “General Hospital” so she is a star among the stay at home frumpy mother/Rachel Hunter set I guess.

- Evander Holyfield = Former heavyweight champion of the world. The dude must have taken one too many blows to the head if he thought doing this show was a good career move.

- Trista Sutter = Here we have a reality show star, trying keep her star alive by starring in another reality show. Pathetic.

- John O’Hurley = B-Star, but at least he’s funny and doesn’t take this absurd show too seriously.

So these so-called stars dance with the world’s top dancers and get scored by some judges and by the viewing audience at large. Or small. Whatever the case may be. Lowest score gets voted off. Blah blah blah.

What else do we have this summer… Oh, yeah! On CBS we’ll be treated to something called “Fire me Please!” The concept of this program is ridiculous – two people start new jobs on the same day, with the goal of intentionally getting fired by 3PM. Hidden cameras capture all the zaniness. The four-episode program (wow, big commitment) is hosted by one time MTV VJ Dave Holmes. This dude must have the same agent as Trista Sutter. Do we need this show in our lives? Probably not, but then again we don’t need spicy pork rinds either, but I can’t get enough of the stuff.

CBS also is serving up another reality dish in the form of “The Cut,” where Tommy Hilfiger searches for the next great American designer. Who the hell cares about this show? I’m sure some people think it will be just faaaaabulussss, but if you’re not into ridiculously over priced clothing, who will bother to tune into this series? I will be clipping coupons, thank you very much.